My life has been the same thing for a long time. Day after day, the same schedule- classes, work, homework, sleep. Again and again and again. And months have gone by with me just waiting for it to end.
Now it’s ending. But now I’m realizing all the things that will end when the semester does.
For one thing, my schedule will be open- maybe too open. I don’t want to waste my time this summer, especially since I want to write in my book, but it’ll be tough to balance relaxing and working.
For another thing, a lot of my best college friends are seniors. They’re all heading their own ways- many of them are heading to Los Angeles (since we’re all theatre majors) and I’m feeling several things all at once:
Sadness to see them go- I love them, I love hanging out with them. I feel a little left behind, too- I want to go to Los Angeles, but it’s not my time yet. They’re heading out first.
One of my friends, Joey, was talking to me about this semester. We both sort of compared notes on how we felt, and it turned out that it was a tough school year for both of us. We both wanted to give up and not return to this school in the fall. But now that we can see the light at the end of the tunnel, we’re thinking about coming back.
Personally, I hate that feeling. Feeling like I’m being wishy-washy or that I don’t actually know what I’m doing because I keep ‘changing my mind’. The thing is, I really don’t know what I’m doing, and I have no idea what God is going to do in my life.
I hope He does big things this summer, but maybe not. I’m afraid of staying here and being stuck in the same routine again, but I’m also afraid of leaving.
The good news is, it’s not up to me to map out my future. I have to trust God to lead me and work hard when He shows me the next step.
The next step right now? Finals. And then, summer break!