I love dreaming about the future, making plans, envisioning experiences. And I have lots of goals, and four million ways to make them happen.
But none of them have happened- not yet. Not the way I planned.
I’m at a time in my life where just about anything could happen, but I’m feeling the pressure. Every single decision I make affects the path my life takes, changes the road, brings my future into focus just a little bit more.
But what if the decisions I make are wrong? What if the path is turning the wrong direction? How do I know what decisions to make to get where I want to go?
The answer is obvious, of course- listen to God.
But there’s not a black-and-white set-in-stone textbook for how to live my life. And a part of me hates the uncertainty. I want to know for sure that I’m going to make it where I want. It’s hard for me to give up my eager planning.
Every few months- maybe even every few weeks- I mentally map out my new path as far as I can see, which doesn’t stretch much farther than a year. Right now it’s even less. I can only see through August. I want to see farther. I have to make plans, I have to make sure everything’s going to work out. My schedule can’t be messed up. My school has to be taken care of. I have a job, homework, friends.
It’s like every day I pray for God to tell me what to do. I mean, I know what to do in the next 24 hours, because in the next 24 hours I’m going to school, going to work, as normal. But I want to know what to do next semester. Next month. Next week. Just let me have a little peek ahead, okay?
But I don’t get to see the future. I’m not supposed to see the future.
I never saw myself here, going to college, studying theatre, and headed to New York in a few weeks for a weekend.
But here I am. None of my dreams or future plans included this. They were pretty good plans, but not as good as this. They were my plans, ignoring major problems to enjoy little details. They were fun, but faulty. They had problems.
My plans just weren’t as good as God’s.
So every day I have to remind myself that no matter how many fabulous plans I design, they can’t hold a candle to the plans that God makes. And when I want to jump ahead, God reminds me-
Stop clinging to your broken future.
Start clinging to Me.
Don’t put faith in your plans.
Put faith in Me.
Take a breath.
And take today’s step.
The heart of man plans his way,
but the LORD establishes his steps.