Faith (thoughts)

I was reading back through my journals and found a lot of things that resonated with me. There’s a very strong theme of Faith in my life right now- for maybe the last eight months. I wanted to share some of my thoughts. These are all straight from my journal, which means straight from inside my head. Hopefully they make sense.

It’s easy to have confidence in God when I’m excited about things happening and things I get to do. I guess it’s partly because they make me happy, and optimism looks and feels a little like faith- knowing everything will work out, and stuff. But real faith stands strong in the difficult times when optimism can’t. When things maybe won’t work out the greatest. Faith says God is still God.

Hebrews 10. Having faith is not shrinking back and hiding away. Having faith makes it clear that we are seeking a homeland. This is not our destination. We haven’t reached our final goal. We always have something to fight for and strive for.

God, I’ve felt distant from You and it scares me. I know I’m worn out from school, but I feel like… like I’m sitting in Your hands, looking back at the world. And I know I should look at You, but I don’t know how.

 

Daniel 9:18b For we do not present our pleas before You because of our righteousness, but because of Your great mercy.

{on theatre} Why are good/clean and good/affective so different? Why are they opposites? Because really, actually life-changing, challenging, raw and honest emotions go to hard places. There are hard places in life. So it has to be dealt with properly. Not made into a joke. Not treated like it has no consequences.

{after a defining moment in theatre where I had to leave a terrible and inappropriate production} You were so there, so present last night. I was so broken. I still don’t understand why, but I’m here, so… I’m here. I can’t change everyone. I feel like I’m a tiny little candle flame being snuffed by the darkness, because there’s SO MUCH DARKNESS.

Judges 6:15-16 “Please, LORD, how can I save Israel? Behold my clan is the weakest in Manasseh, and I am the least in my father’s house.” And the LORD said to him, “But I will be with you.”

Faith is when you believe that what God says is the truth.

Hebrews 11:32 “And what more shall I say? For time would fail me to tell of Gideon, Barak, Samson, Jepthah, of David and Samuel and the prophets.”{so I read the story of Samson} This is a story of faith? He doesn’t seem like a strong example of faith. But I guess this isn’t a story about Samson’s faithfulness.

It’s a story about God’s faithfulness.

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4 Comments

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  1. I LOVE this, especially the part you said about the difference between good/clean and good/effective. Like, YES. Most of the stories I love I can’t recommend bc they have inappropriate content or whatever and it’s absolutely bc you said honest emotions go to hard places. (Which is why my second novel is so much darker than my last.)

    Love this, love you. ❤

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  2. Thank you, Katie, for your openness, for talking about the hard questions, for being honest in your struggle about faith, for remembering to look for answers from the right Person and in the right place.

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  3. Right?? I love going to dark places because the redemption is so much more significant, but it’s hard. I don’t know if I’ll ever have the magic answer for striking the balance- I think it’s something you have to decide individually each time, you know? Thank goodness I’m not doing this alone or I’d have no chance.

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  4. I completely agree. In order for a story to resonate it has to be real, and that involves acknowledging darkness. I always struggle with figuring out how dark is too dark though- when it comes to writing stories or reading books, how do you tell the difference between darkness for the sake of telling a powerful story and darkness for the sake of evil? And of course it always comes back to trusting God every step of the way, and asking Him, because He is the only one who knows what is going on, funnily enough.

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