CINEMATIC APPRECIATION OBJECTIVE: I love movies. They are a combination of every art form- visual and audible, textures and colors and singing and talking and everything beautiful. So I thought I would take some time to fully appreciate the films that capture my heart the most.
Each film is scored on several different levels:
CGI (Computer Generated Images, or basically special effects): 0 being terrible and 10 being phenomenal.
COSTUMING AND MAKEUP (speaks for itself): 0 being inaccurate and 10 being perfect.
SCREENPLAY (script): 0 being filled with plot holes and 10 being flawless.
CASTING (even extras!): 0 being meh and 10 being EVEN THE PERSON ON THE SIDEWALK WAS IN CHARACTER!!!
MUSIC (soundtrack): 0 being a detraction from the film and 10 being an advantage.
And, finally, OVERALL FEELS (my fangirling emotions): 0 being none and 10 being I-can’t-breathe.
Friends, family, and acquaintances have all been begging us to watch a certain movie that they were pretty sure was a life-changing event. Except a select handful of friends who told us the exact opposite: save yourself the pain of watching something so lame you might die.
So I began watching this movie with low expectations:
God’s Not Dead
Starring people whose names mean nothing to you because they’ve only ever been in this Christian independent film.
CGI: Umm… almost N/A, but *spoiler alert* there is that part where the professor is hit by the car and flies in the air for a second. But that was lame. So instead of giving it a zero, I shall simply say… Not Applicable.
Costuming and Makeup: You know, I’m gonna say… 7 out of 10.
Since I didn’t really notice it as being bad, it must not have been terrible.
Screenplay: 0 out of 10.
0. 0. 0. 0. 0!!! 0!!! WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND WOULD SIT BY THE DYING MAN WHO JUST GOT HIT BY A CAR AND SAY “YOU’RE LUCKY, MAN! YOU’RE GONNA MEET JESUS! YOU SHOULD BE GLAD YOU’RE DYING!” NO.
All the no.
The few good lines could not save this screenplay from a horrific, appalling, shameful zero. Because I will admit- there were a few lines that I was okay with.
And there were a lot of lines I was NOT.
Casting: 2 out of 10.
I liked this girl in the picture above. And the main guy wasn’t terrible.
Here’s a list of people I didn’t like: Everyone but the two people I mentioned above. Which is why I gave it 2 points out of ten. One point for each of those people. Congratulations, you two, you saved your movie from a zero in the Casting Department.
Music: 5 out of 10.
I’ll give this a five because of the following reasons.
1) Even though they overused it- (Why is the evolution lady listening to Newsboys??! Is that the only band that exists in their world?) – they did have some well-known Christian music in there. So.
2) It didn’t detract or distract most of the time.
However, the FIVE POINTS it didn’t get are because they DID overuse Newsboys, it DID detract from the movie sometimes, and it DID distract me a few times.
But I will say this in its defense. Music is one of the hardest things to get right on a small budget. If you ain’t Hans Zimmer or one of his buddies then I’m just not going to like you.
Do you even want me to write this section?
Okay, I won’t. Instead, I will leave you with this evidence- a play-by-play commentary I gave to a friend as I watched it. It sort of speaks for itself.
WARNING: HIGHLY OPINIONATED AND POTENTIALLY ANNOYING TEXTS WILL FOLLOW. If you loved this movie… you’ll probably be offended by these texts. Dictionary definition sarcasm is prevalent.