Passion

I have so many plans for my life, and I just don’t see how any of them will ever come into being.

I want to act professionally. That is my passion, my one goal in life. Obviously there are other things that are important to me. My faith is the most important, but that’s not a goal I strive towards- it’s the reason I strive towards my goals. I want to act professionally to the glory of God. It’s not a list where faith is number 1, and acting is number 2, and everything else is below that. Faith is the over-arcing reason for everything that I do.

Family is also important to me. I want to be close to my family- and people, especially my blood relatives, will always be more important to me than a career.

That being said, there are things I want to do with my life, and I’m afraid I never will.

I know, I’m only 18. Life is stretching out before me. But I look back and realize there are 18 years of my life that are now carved in stone. I can’t change what happened. I don’t want to change what happened (or at least, I don’t want to change most of it), but I don’t want to get to 50 years and look back and say, “Wow. I never did what I wanted to do with my life.”

Acting professionally is a weird goal. I can’t go to college and automatically become world famous. You have to know the right people, have money, and be in the right place at the right time and there’s absolutely no formula for it.

What can I do now that will get me where I want to be in the future? I don’t know.

Some people get to do what they love for their career, their life. I want to be one of those people. In an interview, Chris Pratt said

Fifteen years ago I felt the same passion I feel today, but I had very little opportunity. I had to hustle hard and go hungry. I had to eat sardines and figure out how to get gas money. And I never had a plan B. I never stopped believing. Ever. Don’t give up. Apply constant pressure for as long as it takes. It will break before you do. Go get it.(source)

I had a dream that I met someone who loved acting as much as I do, but they lived in Alaska- even more cut off from opportunities than me. And they said, “I moved to LA because I knew if I wanted to be famous, that’s what I had to do.”

I know it was just a dream, but I’ve turned it over and over in my head. Do I need to take a huge leap into the world of commercials and broken hearts, or should I wait? I don’t want to sit here doing nothing if I’m supposed to be jumping in, but I don’t want to jump in and ruin my chances at what God has for me if He wants me to stay here and wait.

Normally I wait until after the fact to write something like this, that way I can conclude with some inspirational advice, and tell you that all hope is not lost.

I haven’t lost hope. I just don’t know what I’m supposed to be doing.

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